christmas jokes

Posted On November 30, 2009

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What beats his chest and swings from Christmas cake to Christmas cake?
Tarzipan !
Mum, Can I have a dog for Christmas ?
No you can have turkey like everyone else !
What did the eskimos sing when they got there Christmas dinner ?
“Whalemeat again, don’t know where, don’t know when ” !
What did the big cracker say to the little cracker ?
My pop is bigger than yours !
Who is never hungry at Christmas ?
The turkey – he’s always stuffed !
What bird has wings but cannot fly ?
Roast turkey !
Whats the best thing to put into a Christmas cake ?
Your teeth !
We had grandma for Christmas dinner ?
Really, we had turkey !
Whats happens if you eat the Christmas decorations ?
You get tinsel-itus !
What do vampires put on their turkey at Christmas ?
Grave-y !

 

Merry Christmas from Toni

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santa jokes 3

Posted On November 30, 2009

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What do you get if Santa comes down your chimney when the fire is a alight?

Crisp Kring

santa

santa

yasmin

Seven Jokes to Play on Santa Claus

Posted On November 30, 2009

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1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.
2. While he’s in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.

3. Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big, red Santa suit!

4. Take everything out of your house as if it’s just been robbed. When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say, “Well, well. They always return to the scene of the crime.”

5. Leave Santa a note, explaining that you’ve moved. Include a map with unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new house.

6. Paint “hoof-prints” all over your face and clothes. While he’s in the house, go out on the roof. When he comes back up, act like you’ve been “trampled.” Threaten to sue for personal injury.

7. Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come and then say, “This neighborhood ain’t big enough for the both of us.

Merry Xmas – Keep Smiling x x x x Liz

 

xmas-joke santa

Posted On November 30, 2009

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snowball baby

snowball baby

Christmas Joke – There’s a fly…

Posted On November 30, 2009

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‘Waiter – There’s a Fly in My Champagne’

A multi-national company held a reception to celebrate Christmas.  The waiter gave each guest a glass of champagne, but on inspection, each guest noticed that their glass contained a fly.

       The Swede asked for new champagne in the same glass

       The Englishman demanded to have new champagne in a new glass

       The Finn picked out the fly out and drank the champagne

       The Russian drank the champagne, fly and all

       The Chinese ate the fly but left the champagne

       The Israeli caught the fly and sold it to the Chinese

       The Italian drank two thirds of the champagne and then demanded to have a new glass

       The Norwegian took the fly and went off to fish

       The Irishman ground the fly and mixed it in the champagne, which he then donated to the Englishman

       The American sued the restaurant and claimed for a $50 million compensation

       The Scotsman grabbed the fly by the throat and shouted, ‘Now spit out all that you swallowed.’

champagne

champagne

merry christmas – gianetta

Chrismas joke – Elf

Posted On November 30, 2009

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What do elves learn in school?

The elf-abet

 

elf

elf

christmas jokes

Posted On November 30, 2009

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Santa’s Outfit

How do you know Santa has to be a man?

No woman is going to wear the same outfit year after year.

santa

santa

mark

Chrismas jokes for kids

Posted On November 28, 2009

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Christmas Jokes for Kids

What do you call an old snowman?
Water!

 

What do you sing at a snowman’s birthday party?
Freeze a jolly good fellow!

 

To find more great jokes and activities for kids follow the link below…

 

Christmas Jokes for Kids

 http://www.activityvillage.co.uk/christmas_jokes_for_kids.htm 

Barry at Pottsville I.T. Centre.

kids xmas crafts

Posted On November 23, 2009

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Instructions on how to make a christmas angel:
Angel

Angel

  For this project you will need:
 – wine cork
– small wooden bead or styrofoam ball
  measuring 2.5 cm
– gold, black, red and flesh color paint
– gold glittery yarn
– gold ribbon netting (20 cm piece)
– small gold ribbon for bow
– silver wire for halo
– hot glue gun or thick craft glue

 Instructions: 

Parents or supervisors should assist the kids when using the hot glue gun!

1. Paint the cork gold and the wood bead or styrofoam ball flesh and let the pieces dry. Glue them together when dry.
2. Fold each end of the netting to the middle and overlap these ends. Take a piece of wire and wrap around this middle section, thus creating a simple bow shape. Lay aside.
3. Create also a bow out of the thin ribbon and lay aside for a moment.
4. Cut a few pieces of the gold glitter yarn and gather the pieces together. Tie the bundle off at the middle and glue this to the top of the head (ball). Pull the hairs in different directions so that the entire head is covered with hair.
5. Cut a piece of the wire and form a loop at one end. Bend this loop in a 90° angle. Glue the long end to the backside of the head underneath the hair.
6. Dot 2 eyes and a mouth on the angel’s face.
7. Glue the netting bow to the back side of the angel as wings.
8. Glue the small bow to the front side of the angel.

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